we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
