the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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