We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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