He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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