Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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