Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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