The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
