Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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