If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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