one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
