I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
