i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
