I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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