WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
