It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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