I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
