i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Even my vagina gasped.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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