It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
