Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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