i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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