This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize