My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
