It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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