1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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