3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
