Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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