You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
