don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have fence marks all over my body
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
