We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
