Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
