I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
