Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
