I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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