I must be too annoying 4 u.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize