I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
