I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
