So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you traded sex for a burrito?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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