FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
