Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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