question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
