I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
