I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
