I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
