guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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