I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
