nut hugger
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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