Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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