There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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