I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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