JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
