I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
