Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
