In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
