We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
