I'm jealous of your bromance
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
