My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
