How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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