Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
