i may or may not be watching the land before time
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
