why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
