i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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