And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
