I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
