she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
