At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
