He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
