new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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