I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
