I want to have your abortion
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
