she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize