So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's like a pop up book from hell.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You ate ashes out of my bong
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
