Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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