Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
