I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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