i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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