dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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